The Indelible Twin Identity When have I done enough for my twin? When do I take my turn? I hear these questions in one way or another every time I talk to a twin. And quite frankly I have always wondered and worried if I could have helped my twin more. Or, “Why didn’t she …
Author Archives: Barbara Klein
Twin Disappointments and Misunderstandings
Estrangement is built on disappointments and misunderstandings. Estrangement is complicated, and as deep-seated as the primary attachment that twins share at birth and throughout their childhoods. It is not that twins really hate their twin per se. More likely, twins who cannot be together are afraid of each other and the anger and disappointment that …
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Defining Estrangement
Estrangement is a subjective emotional experience that makes twins afraid to be together. Estrangement also causes deep shame because twins are supposed to get along. These dark feelings seem to be deep seated and often have a traumatic element to them. Estrangement—serious avoidance of each other—between twins can be permanent depending on what triggered the …
Can Twins Overcome Their Issues with Loneliness?
Getting over your feelings related to missing your twin is a long uphill journey. Sadness, depression, anxiety and anger are related to missing your attachment to your twin. Everyone close to you will most likely suffer when you feel like you need your twin, or if you and your twin are at odds or at …
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When Separation Issues Are Over for Twins
I have never meet a twin who didn’t ask themselves or anyone who would listen: “When will I get over missing my twin?” Or, “When will I stop looking for a very close twin relationship like I had with my twin as a child?” My bottom line answer is most likely never! Although, in time …
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A Twin’s Sense of Self
The deep interconnection of psychological identity between twins is real. Unlike single-born infants and toddlers, shared identity is inevitable and normal. Some aspect of a twin’s sense of self is actually shared. A twin has an identity as a twin and an identity as an individual. Twins are closer than brothers and sisters because they …
Boundary Issues: The Struggle of Adult Twins
The stressful and difficult developmental chore of adulthood is to cement the separation experiences and unique identities that have been established in baby steps and giant leaps throughout childhood, the teenage years, and early adulthood. In order to truly separate from one another, adult twins consciously and unconsciously seek out twin replacements. The emotionally driven …
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Common Issues of Adult Twins
There are common developmental milestones that twins experience as adults no matter what type of attachment they share: Separation, both emotional and physical, is more difficult than adult twins have imagined. Overcoming these painful and confusion emotional experiences takes time, understanding of the problem, and experience tolerating being on your own. Twins and their family …