I have never meet a twin who didn’t ask themselves or anyone who would listen: “When will I get over missing my twin?”
Or, “When will I stop looking for a very close twin relationship like I had with my twin as a child?”
My bottom line answer is most likely never! Although, in time you can understand your longings, which will definitely help you expand your world. The attachment that twins share is primary and makes an everlasting and indelible mark on personality development and the need for the comfort of closeness, empathy and understanding. Missing your twin is a form of separation anxiety that goes hand in hand with twinship.
Because twin pairs are parented differently, not all twins are alike. With great certainty I can say not all twins love each other and revere their relationship. Some twins are just stuck in the mire of their closeness, their anger and their longing for harmony. Even when twins remain conflicted and are unable to resolve their anger and disappointment with one another, they still miss the closeness the other provided. Fortunate twins who have a strong sense of themselves as individuals and are able to resolve their differences are able to support one another through difficult life situations. Twins who see themselves as individuals are resilient enough to fight and miss each other. Resilient twins can reconnect for help with their happiness or their despair. Twin attention when needed is certainly one of the best parts of being a twin—the gold ring on the merry go round.
The twin attachment—one of closeness and separation—teaches us about the power of human connection. Deeply felt intimacy based on the ability to identify with the other person because of shared or similar life experiences is a life sustaining force for twins and for other close relationships. Losing this profound connection can be disorganizing psychologically for twins and lead to self-destructive behavior and negative thinking and negative narratives.
Unfortunately, twin closeness can be an enigma in our individually driven objectified technological world. Why is separation so hard for twins? This cultural and personal inability to understand the hardships of twinship is coupled with the idealization of twinship as the perfect intimacy. The important nuances and comfort of emotional closeness and attachment can remain a mystery to individuals who come from cold and distant families, and are desperately seeking attention and love. The bridge between twin intimacy and Internet fantasies of intimacy is longer than The Great Wall of China.
Non-twins have great difficulty understanding missing your twin and the loneliness that goes along with this state of mind. And twins don’t really understand how non-twins can conquer being alone. I can empathize with the suffering that twins feel when they experience a sense that something is missing in their relationships. Separation anxiety will diminish with age and experiences but never be taken out of the lives of twins.