When Twin Fighting Won’t Stop The most commonly asked question from twins who visit me online or in person goes something like this: “My twin and I have not spoken to each other in years because we cannot agree on how to get along. Our parents, siblings, and friends want us to get along, but …
Category Archives: Twin Estrangement
How Twins Can Help One Another
Some facts about twin conflict that need to be talked about openly. Popular culture and mythology suggests that twins have an ideal relationship. These stereotypical ideas have infected our meaningful understanding of twinship. In reality the opposite is true. Twins have a very difficult time getting along. More often than not, twins feel ashamed that …
Twins Can Teach Non-Twins
Twins Can Teach Non-Twins The power and comfort of closeness. Throughout history, twins have been considered to possess special magical powers. In our culture, the twin relationship is idealized as a perfect mirroring experience that builds confidence and security throughout life. Outdated and fantastical, this myth that needs to be dispelled and evaporated into outer …
Twin Disappointments and Misunderstandings
Estrangement is built on disappointments and misunderstandings. Estrangement is complicated, and as deep-seated as the primary attachment that twins share at birth and throughout their childhoods. It is not that twins really hate their twin per se. More likely, twins who cannot be together are afraid of each other and the anger and disappointment that …
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Defining Estrangement
Estrangement is a subjective emotional experience that makes twins afraid to be together. Estrangement also causes deep shame because twins are supposed to get along. These dark feelings seem to be deep seated and often have a traumatic element to them. Estrangement—serious avoidance of each other—between twins can be permanent depending on what triggered the …
When Separation Issues Are Over for Twins
I have never meet a twin who didn’t ask themselves or anyone who would listen: “When will I get over missing my twin?” Or, “When will I stop looking for a very close twin relationship like I had with my twin as a child?” My bottom line answer is most likely never! Although, in time …
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Boundary Issues: The Struggle of Adult Twins
The stressful and difficult developmental chore of adulthood is to cement the separation experiences and unique identities that have been established in baby steps and giant leaps throughout childhood, the teenage years, and early adulthood. In order to truly separate from one another, adult twins consciously and unconsciously seek out twin replacements. The emotionally driven …
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Common Issues of Adult Twins
There are common developmental milestones that twins experience as adults no matter what type of attachment they share: Separation, both emotional and physical, is more difficult than adult twins have imagined. Overcoming these painful and confusion emotional experiences takes time, understanding of the problem, and experience tolerating being on your own. Twins and their family …